Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Raul's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, July 4th, 2002
10:33 pm	The final chapter... Finally finishing off this journal. This is a very difficult entry to write as there is so much to cover, and ultimately I will be unable to explain it all. In some ways, that's a poignant way of viewing the whole experiment, though at least this time, I will give a little more detail. Initially I started out on LiveJournal as I thought it was 'cool' and as a big personal experiment. I have always written for person sake, whether for therapy, documentation, justification, experimentation, self-exploration, and many other reasons. For most of these, I have found the experience a wonderful success giving me new insights into living and myself now, and maybe in years to come. Though, not everything has been all bright and rosey. Some of the key experiments I played with had to deal with the honesty/disclosure I take though this thing. Always fearing the compromise this places on myself, it was always something I was hoping to experiment with more, though failed. All the dilemmas I dodged (eg. saying very personal things about people who read) and never really opened up in cases in fear of giving out too-much info (eg. what if people from work read it?). I always knew they would be tough calls and wanted to deal with them, though ultimately I just never did get to delve too much. So I didn't just fail myself, I was also failing my readers too. Gees, I even had a few great entries written down on paper, or forgotten that should have made it in but ultimately got left by the wayside.. so my dedication was found wanting. Aspects of time had also eroded the experience for me as well. The need to document the little things in my life had gotten all out of wack, and never did justice to things missing SO many details and insights. Even my attempts to address this have suffered with myself either being too busy, or needing to compress to much into a short entry. My writings were quite self focused, and sometimes externalised, yet never had a great mix. Even the whole 'song a day' thing was difficult to maintain and never really took flight. There were some surprises though. The whole laziness aspect of Q: "what did you do today?" A: "read the journal" was quite nice and sometimes a good icebreaker (even though more people refused to read it than I would have expected!) There was the regular and random readers who really made the experience (thanks - you know who you all are!) ;) and the friends who gave me a reason to write. Getting a year down the track exceeded my initial expectations which has felt so good in itself. But alas, to dwell more on the reasons why I stopped writing, then there were also failures there. Readership dropped off, I never real got to form a sense of community with the LiveJournal community at large, and never gained extra friendships which was a real dissapointment to some of my goals. Hell, I never really had a decent set of pictures or exploited HTML.. so I have failed to reach my own expections for the journal. Squandered opportunities, site troubles & limitiations, etc. etc. I can site many other 'reasons' for stopping, though ultimately I think it is a fair decision to make. I make talk of resurrecting things, though realistically that just wont happen. I look forward maybe to one day when I would, but for now, this chapter of my life is closed. Financial year 2001-2002 has been quite an interesting time, and I am quite thankful and glad that I did the journal. As I said before, thank-you to everyone who had shared this experience with me, you are all true too my memories and hold a part of my life & history somehow, so thank you again. I will leave this up untill it is taken offline. Always happy to discuss anything about the journal, and you can always find me by email/IM. To make this a last journal entry in my usual vein... "Been very busy lately. Finally got to close off the journal thing with has been good, though also had been a burden that's no longer on my back. I will really miss it and pseudo-dialog in a way..." Best wishes to leading a good and productive life.. and I really hope you live the life you want to lead... - Raoul Pollicino (aka. gravels to some) Current Mood: sad (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 1st, 2002
7:45 pm	Last night.. watched the match with Sue.. came home and ended the monthly leech session to finish up my download quota. Work wasn't too bad today, just hung out and discussed war and religion with Vivek which was fairly cool, but otherwise just cruised through the day. Played some pinball at the arcade on George St, but wasn't much choice so I'm not sure if I will do that every lunch. Planning to stay over Sue's tonight. Just been cleaning up and hopefully get some more stuff knocked down before I head out the door.. (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 30th, 2002
8:34 pm	Newcastle and back again. Great news is that I caught up on the family gossip and fixed up everyone's computers real good which made it a success. The plan to watch the soccer with my dad on Saturday went slightly off the tracks again with us ending up in hospital of all things. He had this constant headache and pains over the last 3 days and his doctor got jumpy, admitting him to emergency under the fear of have mengococil [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<sp?>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] Newcastle and back again. Great news is that I caught up on the family gossip and fixed up everyone's computers real good which made it a success. The plan to watch the soccer with my dad on Saturday went slightly off the tracks again with us ending up in hospital of all things. He had this constant headache and pains over the last 3 days and his doctor got jumpy, admitting him to emergency under the fear of have mengococil <sp?>! Luckily he didn't have that so they just dosed him up with morphine and sent him home which should help. So unforunately I taped the wrong channel on tv and was in the hospital for the evening which sort of ruined those plans. Besides that it was business as usual and a good chance to clear things up at home (especially seeing that I had to prepare them for the 'Sue moving in' thing as well). Oh, also got a call from Raymond as well while I was there, who's resturant (Chinois) won best Chinese resturant in the Hunter Valley again for the second year running. So that was also a mini highlight. Will head around to Sue's tonight to surprise her after work and watch the soccer with her. Lined up furniture options in Newcastle as well so I can have lots to blab which make this thing even more mundane.. So.. gotta go.. (Comment on this)
Friday, June 28th, 2002
7:14 pm	People shoplifting from a $2 shop, and bus drivers who are keen to call out every stop with a joke... that's the bizarre parts that went to make up the day. Actually, it's something I think that has been lacking in my hurried updates lately.. oh well. Looking back, work has sucked pretty much all this week. Today was a slight highlight as we had a virus on our systems and couldn't do jack! (though somehow I think I'm gonna cop some of the blame for giving CSC so much trouble about it!). So that's work out of the way... Wednesday night I took Sue out to dinner at the local pizzeria and watched the soccer or something like that. Thursday night I was able to get some more time to myself to catch up with domestics and to get my head around everything else I've left on my plate too... for some reason nothing can be solved quickly or easily this time though! :( Tonight I will head back to Newcastle to hopefully watch the soccer with the parents and get my sister's machine fixed up etc. Scarey to think this maybe one of my last journal entries.. though quite self-descriptive in a way... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 25th, 2002
8:44 pm	Work has been long and dull lately, just sitting back watching and learning... Monday night I went over to Sue's with video in hand as her's broke and we needed to tape the new John Safran show (which was really cool! http://www.musicjamboree.com/). Also finally caught life support too which is also a good show. Anyway, taped those and watched them when we got home. Another reason to drop by was that my new computer parts were delivered there in the morning too! Just got to find the time to build it now... Other news is that getting Sue to move in is more official now.. I just have to clean up and pick a date! :) Big soccer game on tonight.. just have to find my way to a TV now... *sigh* :) (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 23rd, 2002
11:02 pm	Today was strange.. I actually didn't have a pressing engagement on for a change! Was good for getting the washing finally done (once again down to almost my last pair of underpants) and did some minor cleaning about the house and shopping Played some TA online which was good fun and a step back to older days I guess of being in Sydney which was nice. Made some small changes to beasties stuff which was also good to get out of the way (as it was looking worse than it really was). Watched a beautiful mind on divx which was really good and scarey for the parallels it drew in Sue's family, and also did some leeching and other computer stuff. Tamara popped up again online which was cool, as it seems her and Niels will be out here in summer. Sue also was on as well which was good for touching base. Oh, and the plans for moving in are looking better now with the big dad->sue's->my place shuffle also seeming like a good idea to her dad. Anyway, I better get some important emails off and do some testing before hitting the sack.. (Comment on this)
1:19 am	Tail end of the night wasn't too bad.. didn't end up going at all after work and just got on the net and played some JK2. Work was pretty cool as we had all the celebrations after the soccer. George St was blocked with Korean fans and took the chance to take the scanner out and suss out the action up close which was pretty cool. Saw the new roster which keeps me on day, making last night my last scheduled weekend shift. Really going to miss it.. Current Mood: sympathetic (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 22nd, 2002
3:34 pm	The rush still continues, though thank god I get tomorrow off as I'm starting to get sick of having so little free time. Good news out of Friday is that I got my dole form in, my contract is partially signed, and I went home early form work (which will be an interesting test to see if they prove to be real motherfuckers or not!) :) Hung out with Sue and we watched the soccer which was good before heading off the the movies to see Minority Report. Lived up to my expectations so it was really good and caught the other soccer game afterwards before sleep. Will be the last time I see her for quite a while, so we just made the most of the time we had. Today I'm working the Saturday arvo shift which ain't too bad. I forget how much I love this kinda work (especially compared to 9 to 5 sorta stuff). Should be able to get a lot of things done today and tomorrow will be a good chance to get things done. Sister has been trying to arrange plans with me this weekend, but I keep running into these work committments that are screwing me around.. so we'll see what happens there. (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 20th, 2002
8:06 pm	Really behind with the journal... Tuesday I started with sucky 9-5 style hours at work. I'm starting to learn the new job and it's good to be busy for a change. Got my contract Wednesday though had some issues so hopefully will sign it all off tomorrow. Seeing Sue briefly after work at times, but generally everything is a rush and a bit of a blur at the moment. She's going through a rough period and not taking it too well either which is a bit of a shame. Stayed over on Wednesday night and tried commuting to work from there which wasn't too bad. Cool & exciting news is that I've decided to purchase a new computer, so I spent a lot of money shopping online which was great fun! Snuck a game of TA in there which was refreshing (seeing the recorder works under XP), watched soccer with Sue, smoked cones.. blah.. just lots of stuff that has left me no free time. :( Write more when I have the time.. Current Mood: bouncy (Comment on this)
Monday, June 17th, 2002
11:31 pm	Yup, didn't have to do anything at work last nite till like 3am which was cool. Also had a sucessful attempt at having noodles at work which was cool.. Unfortunately, it wont useful as they are changing my shifts to 9-5 which just plain sux. I'd love to stick to the current roster, so hopefully they go back to it as the job is already shitting me. The day has been good though as it has felt like the day off it has been. Spend some time doing stuff on the beasties site which was good. Sister dropped by this arvo which was good and we went out to tigers for dinner. They screwed up my order which was good for getting me a free T-bone I didn't want, so that was kinda good and bad. We got to talk heaps which was good to also get a different perspective on the Sue situation. Sue had a shitty day and we weren't able to meet up which was a little sucky, but otherwise it's another day out of the way. Just gotta do some more email and maybe play a game or two before getting some sleep.. Current Mood: a little shitted off (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 16th, 2002
10:45 pm	Today featured another full day of rest which felt really strange... Sue sent me a lovely email, played around with JK2 trying new sabre stances and tweaking the speed, but alas, I was a little dissapointed in the end by the exercise (still only 30fps and the combos just didn't seem to do much). Got new Java onto my Redhat system and did some work around the house which rounded out the rest of the evening. Work is really suss.. I was hoping to not be needed tonight, though on my arrival I could not find Vivek! Check the system and I can't monitor anything?? So now I'm just waiting to hear back to find if there is anything for me to do (or even just get sent home which would have been shiity but ok)... oh well, enjoy I guess! :) (Comment on this)
12:17 am	Cute little call from the police scanner this evening... they were worried about the 1,000 or so soccer fans for the England vs. Denmark game being on tonight... the need for extra mounted police not needed because the "crowd looks rather friendly" with a "here we go" chant in the background... obviously England won! :) (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 15th, 2002
11:09 pm	Wow.. slept at least 8 hours today which was really cool for a change! Eye's still need a bit of a rest and are sore, but hopefully can get that to go now that my back has improved as well. The rest of the day I spent doing a fresh Redhat install which was good (GNOME looks lots better now and I've saved heaps of space on disk). Also got TA back on my system and looked a little more at Jedi Knight 2, though will have to learn the intricacies of sabre fighting. Work has been interesting.. Vivek has been getting closer to the realisation of how unecessary we are here and is suss to my attempts to become permanent at EA. The new system has gone live but they are acting suss... with me really having nothing to do tonight... so it shall be a fun evening.. (Comment on this)
12:55 am	New Job? Would have loved to have had two journal updates today. This morning was fairly unlucky, missing many a bus, but still making the interview just in time. It went really well with Lyndon not grilling me technically which was a surprise (as he supposedly already knows my skills!). To summarise, it generally went well and I seemed more awake than I should have been! :) They went fishing for a few answers I had trouble giving, but it went well. Got home, slept for a few hours before getting Sue over. We hung out for a bit with me starting my Jedi Knight 2 playing with some single player and online play. Watched some anime series that sucked and smoked and went for fish and chips for dinner down by the water. Biggest dissapointment is that I have missed council cleanup day that REALLY sux. I've been waiting for heaps and so I still have heaps of crap in my place in need of dumping, so I'm going to have to come up with a new plan now. :( Besides that the arvo was good. I trundled off to work and had a chat to my boss. The guys were around due to a big migration tomorrow (which means I will be the last one working tongiht) and I had a chat to the boss... I have been offered the job and accepted! Still need to see the contract and the money could be slightly better, but might be what I need for the next 2 years.. so it will be decision time shortly... (Comment on this)
Friday, June 14th, 2002
12:21 am	Brian showed up eventually, though without gummi bears which was only made up for with him returning my bulb machine + CD's. We talked beasties stuff for a bit going over the site and in general. Seems he's getting more receptive to doing more coding in future so I might build a linux box for him to hack around on to keep his skills up. But yeah, good to see he's finally getting down and busy with the site. Show rocked up a little later and we had cones and watched some Samurai Jack (awesome as ever) and an episode of some anime series X (which wasn't too bad, though still would like to see the movie first). Anyway, that was really cool as we also got pizza and ended up heading back to her place. Before I wrap off Thursday, things also got complicated too. I got a call from work from one of my bosses telling me that I should apply for a position and should send my resume through like immediately. So that was a little annoying and also of great concern.. especially seeing the tentative interview time. Friday has been a surprise of the day anyway. The main mission of the day was to support Sue as Jon was going to get shocked today. That was going to happen early, but ended up taking quite a while, so we ended spending a good 7 hours in the hospital just waiting around which was a real drain. After that I ate left-overs with Sue and hurried off to work, knowing that I wasn't able to speak to my bosses about this job thing. So tonight has been a little un-nerving seeing that I didn't get any of the sleep I wanted. I did speak to my bosses and I have an interview tomorrow morning at 9am (ie. 3 hrs after I finish this shift). At least it will be out of the way I guess, but yeah, unecessary stress. Anyway, I have to just stay awake now and enjoy the sirens of the city.. wonder how Italy went in the soccer? Hopefully they aren't a bad omen... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 12th, 2002
3:12 pm	Got through work ok and ended up staying up all night. Afternoon I went over my Redhat upgrade more edging towards doing a fresh install rather than reconfiguring things that didn't get through the upgrade well. Paid a visit to Sue in the evening for our usual soccer watching. She's doing lots better which is good and was just great to spend more time together. My back is being a real pain at the moment with a muscle that seems to be pulled and not getting better anytime quick. That's it mainly, woke up after a full nights rest.. came home, and just been bumming around waiting for Brian to arrive.. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 11th, 2002
7:20 am	Two updates in two days... cool. Some things haven't changed though. After a great night upgrading Redhat (it's the 3rd release running that I've managed to make their installer fail) I am still struggling to have a decent nights rest. Besides that the day was really good for just doing the domestics and getting warm sheets and stuff onto the bed = comfy sleep to look forward to! :) Work has been shitty so far as I've had to work.. but really want to stop that as I will need sleep for the afternoon.. *sigh* Oh well, back to the grind.. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 10th, 2002
3:49 pm	Wow, a journal update from home.. what a change. That's probably a good starting point, change. This journal will have to change. Over the last few weeks I have found it being amazingly simplified and almost even a burden to keep up to date in any detail. Nor have I really had the time to take it in directions I was planning as well. Unfortunately the outcome of that will be that I will be stopping it someday and that it's becomming less informative to myself and others. :( Needless to say, unlike most of my friends who have given up.. I will keep moving along till at least my July deadline (as I bound to be getting close (if not passed) my first year on here already! Getting on with the usual style of things, I went home and slept yesterday for a bit before being awoken by my sister. My cousin was up for the weekend and my other sister was down too, so we went out for dinner at some Italian place in Glebe. Was a cafe style thing with a sorta jazz trio playing which wasn't too bad. Sue was sick that night which was a shame as I just paid her a visit, but couldn't stay over in fear of catching it too. Really hope she gets better over the comming days.. Rest of my time was spend doing computer stuff before getting off to a full nights rest for a change. Needless to say, I got up late this morning and just been doing a lot of domestics around the flat. Looking forward to council clean-up day so I can dump heaps of junk that's just lying around. That's a quick synopsis for now, will write more when I get more time... (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 9th, 2002
6:29 am	Nice moon this morning, crappy cab. Really trucking cold which is no surprise seeing how hard it was to get the car started last night. Actually, the car is running quite bad at the moment and am in desperate need of making it to a servo before I can go anywhere else! Yesterday wasn't too bad except for not being able to get much sleep. Kept getting good blocks, but they didn't last long enough so I know I'm gonna be struggling to get through today, and hell, even this update! :( Besides that most of the day was spent doing computer stuff and just listening to dance anthems on the radio. Was able to knock down some beasties stuff and get another cd burnt which was cool. Oh, and also got to snuggle with Sue in front of the soccer too which I think rounded the rest of it out. Today I still have lots to do, and as bad as ever, will be struggling to fit anything in... damn I miss being unemployed! :) (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 8th, 2002
11:35 am	Thursday was fairly rough.. got home and slept for a few hours before preparing to head back to Newcastle. Sue's dad's condition improved greatly overnight and even got to pack and get a lift to the station with her! Train ride wasn't too bad, just mucked around on the ipaq and got in around 5:30. Slow evening, watched some soccer and did the motherboard swap (though some really weird stuff went on), and with luck having it, I blew up the power supply on my mum's PC! So, Friday now included some shopping and repairing of her PC. It's weird actually, every time I return to Newcastle lately I seem to be buying games. Scored an original for Darkstone finally as well as two other minor releases. Anyway, parents left and the big mission was my sister's machine. Didn't start on it till late but it proved to be the usual mess. Most things I fixed quickly, though I had massive trouble with getting a new virus scanner on there plus she had an infected wsock32.dll that would only allow me to use the Internet with it (as the default windows one crashed out whenever anything tried to use the connection). Just dandy, though it should be running for now till I got back there. From there the rush continued. Made a dash for the train and got back Home around 1. Had morning shift today so I have been pieceing together short blocks of sleep which is not a good strategy. Work itself has been quite good just to open my mail and stuff like that. Out of phone credit, but hopefully might get off Vodafone now before recharging again to their crappy service. Missed the dole form on Friday which was a shame (still trying to work out what they are doing!) and learnt that we have Monday off which is pretty cool (except that Sue is sick so Sunday maybe cancelled now). Oh well, might as well get back to it.. (Comment on this)